Thursday 30 January 2014

Child custody law in India: a litigant perspective. - The Hindu

There has been a flurry of activity on the personal law front in our country in the recent past. An amendment seeking to add ‘irretrievable’ breakdown of marriage as a ground for divorce to the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 and the Special Marriage Act, 1954 is in the wings. There are also provisions on sharing matrimonial property and waiving the statutory cooling period before a legal dissolution of marriage. Doubtless, personal law reform is a necessity given that most of our laws are antiquated.
A parody of sorts is that the first move to grant divorce on the basis of irretrievable breakdown was initiated by the Law Commission of India in its 71 report more than three decades ago! In the background is the increased incidence of matrimonial breakdown, the Sample Registration System 2010 data finalised recently quotes figures in the range of around 9% for states like Tamil Nadu (1)). Although exact figures are difficult to obtain the factum of increase seems to be unequivocal; the annual number of divorce petitions in a city like Mumbai has doubled since the 1990s (2). A renowned legal scholar and lawyer in the Madras High Court, Geeta Ramaseshan believes that while ‘more divorce cases are coming to court but this does not mean marital discord did not exist earlier’ (3). Others take a contrarian view and a clinical psychologist attributes it to the ‘complete death of tolerance’ (4).
Be it as it may, my concern in this article is to draw attention to another emotional landmine- the issue of child custody. In my opinion, this continues to languish as a neglected corner of our jurisprudence. The flashes of attention that are drawn to it are mired in sensationalism as the recent dispute regarding custody of two small Indian children in faraway Norway and its current chapter in Kolkata prove.
The laws governing child custody in India are the Guardians and Wards Act 1890 and the Hindu Minority and Guardianship Act 1956. The Hindu Minority and Guardianship Act states that the ‘natural guardian of a Hindu minor, in respect of the minor’s person as well as in respect of the minor’s property …. in the case of a boy or unmarried girl- the father, and after him, the mother, provided that the custody of a minor who has not completed the age of five years shall ordinarily be with the mother’(5). There are numerous connotations this can take, some of these are: that the law reflects our patriarchal social structure and that small children are always better off with the mother... Matters are also complicated by a legal process that does not view legal guardianship to be co- terminus with physical custody of a child.
Over a year ago I happened to meet a leading lawyer in a metropolitan South Indian city to plead my own petition for child custody. A very warm and affable person, she did her best to dissuade me from litigation: in her considered opinion, it was time to do other things such as focussing on a career since my chances of getting child custody were negligible. At best one could file for ‘visitation rights’ and given my modest financial resources she found it unconscionable to waste my money on futile or near futile litigation. At least, in operational times it therefore seems that mothers most often win custody battles in our country. This is not surprising because this is an international phenomenon. In the United Kingdom only 8% of fathers function as single parents (6). In Germany local laws give sole custody to the mother unless she consents to joint custody. In at least one case the European Court of Human Rights has ruled this provision overtly discriminatory (7); this has led to German law makers taking a re- look at their child custody provisions.
The Supreme Court of India has consistently held that in deciding cases of child custody ‘the first and paramount consideration is the welfare and interest of the child and not the rights of the parents under a statute’ (8). As if to dispel any doubts on the matter the Court held (vide supra) ‘no statute on the subject can ignore, eschew or obliterate the vital factor of the welfare of the minor’. In a landmark judgement the SC driving home the equality of the mother to fulfil the role of a guardian held that ‘gender equality is one of the basic principles of our Constitution, and, therefore, the father by reason of a dominant personality cannot be ascribed to have a preferential right over the mother in the matter of guardianship since both fall within the same category ‘(9). To the lay person, this was akin to the highest Court in the country sayinggender was not a consideration in deciding matters of child custody and guardianship. It was not to be, the Karnataka High Court held several years later that ‘it is the most natural thing for any child to grow up in the company of one’s mother’ and ‘a child gets the best protection and education only through the mother even in nature’ (10). Again it was the sagacity of the Supreme Court hearing an appeal in the same matter which held that ‘we make it clear that we do not subscribe to the general observations and comments made by the High Court in favour of mother as parent to be always preferable to the father to retain custody of the child’ (11). Despite the over- arching observations of the Supreme Court in the matter of child custody it is thus, often, the subjectivity of an individual judge which decides a case of child custody.
A now popular talk show claims that more than 50% of women (which it claims is a conservative estimate) in our country are victims of domestic violence. An enormous amount of media time was spent on the tragedy of Baby Falak, a battered baby. More topically the horrendous rape and subsequent death of another young woman in Delhi was, for days on end the talk of the town. Concurrent with their anxiety to make their coverage of these tragedies an index of their social conscientiousness, news channels spared no attempt at bashing the prototypical Indian male- lawless, abusive, selfish, greedy, insensitive to the plight of women and children and so and so forth. It is unquestionable that violence against women, the solicitation of dowry and the neglect of children are social crimes, that these are prevalent enough to need special attention is also not in doubt. The problem arises when societal prototyping potentially prejudices the delivery of justice. With the phenomenal impact that visual and increasingly social media have on public opinion can we expect fairly that legislation or jurisprudence will be immune?
As early as 1980 the Law Commission of India submitted a report to the Government of India advising it to amend the Guardians and Wards Act 1890, it suggested that Section 6 of the Act (vide supra) be amended so as ‘ to allow the mother the custody of a minor till it completes the age of 12 years’. In its infinite wisdom this was necessary to prevent the father from ‘using the child as a pawn for securing complete submission of his wife’. Fast forward to 2010 where the SC heard an applicant father who was denied visitation rights for a little more than three years, an order of the Supreme Court notwithstanding. In this case the Court opined that the petitioner’s rights stood ‘completely frustrated’ and that the ‘mind of the child has been influenced to such an extent that he has no affection/ respect for the applicant’ (13). It also minced no words in holding that the respondent had ‘wilfully and deliberately’ committed ‘contempt of this court’. Women therefore are not above ‘using the child as a pawn’.
It does therefore appear that when a marriage fails either party, male or female uses the child to browbeat the opposite partner into submission. In the emotional battle of parents the child is often held hostage by whosoever has physical custody. India urgently needs legislative and judicial action to prevent either parent from alienating the child from the estranged partner. An interim measure can always be that a parent who deliberately alienates the child from the other has his or her rights for custody weakened; the underlying assumption always being that it is never healthy for a child to be denied the love and guidance of a biological parent. It is also moot to point out that the absence of these measures inevitably strengthens inter- parental international child abduction since India is not a signatory to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
Let us also briefly look at another area of family law jurisprudence- the laws governing prohibition of dowry and domestic violence. It is nobody’s case that these are not social problems in this country. Implementation of the statute has been vitiated to such an extent that the SC held that ‘as has been rightly contended by the petitioner many instances have come to light where the complaints are not bonafide and filed with obligue motive (sic)’ (14). While solicitation of dowry and any violence is indeed reprehensible (and must be met with the full force of the State) is it not shocking that such stringent laws are misused by women and their families? More cogently when will our society mature enough to view goodness or wickedness as part of our innate human nature, not necessarily endowments of our sex?
It is unfair that women will or should give up their careers to stay at home with toddler children it is equally unfair that men should be disqualified on the basis of statute. The need of the hour is a gender neutral custody law; there is however no way to second guess which way our custody laws are headed.
Within the realm of judicial intervention I would earnestly plead that our higher judiciary enunciate a specific set of guidelines on the matter. In the absence of these child custody matters essentially rest on the discretion of an individual judge, who drawn from our society is not always free from one or other stereotypes.

NEWS Link:- http://m.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/child-custody-law-in-india-a-litigant-perspective/article4371934.ece/

Why Are Men Scared Of Getting Married?

Marriage is one of the most important event in an individual's life. Marriages are said to be destined from the heavens. The advent of a supposedly golden period in one's life is expected give birth to feelings of positive anticipation. This holds true though for most women! So, what about the opposite sex? Why are guys scared of marriage? Is it about the expenses during that wedding ceremony? Or has he lost sleep on the mountain of money he needs to spend on that exotic honeymoon? Women are said to be difficult to understand. But the same seems to be true for the guys. Have we ever pondered enough on why are guys so scared of marriage? Is it that they wish to remain their mamma's boys? Is it plain immaturity that he doesn't wish to start handling responsibility? TAKE A LOOK: How To Control An Angry Husband While we start delving on the reasons why guys are so scared of marriage, we should also keep in mind the patriarchal set-up of most of our societies. This is where these guys have to become men and start fending for both themselves and their families. With the changes in the dynamics of families due to women becoming earning members of the families, guys have started becoming less scared of marriage. This is because of the wife sharing with him his responsibilities and making him more secure. A quick look at the possible reasons why guys are so scared of marriage may not only help the women understand them more and also help the mammas prepare their boys better. The wedding and honeymoon: His father is no longer ready to bankroll his wedding. The way weddings in India are, this is enough to give him the nightmares. He may earn enough for a living. But what about that European honeymoon his lady is expecting from him? This might just explain why guys are so afraid of getting married! Bad experiences with partners: He did enter into a relationship earlier and had dreamt of a golden life with his partner. But things did not work out and resulted in a nasty break-up. Now he is plain scared of marriage. Cannot blame him though. Afraid of kids? One of the reasons behind the guys being so scared of marriage lies in the frightening aspect of losing sleep over diapers! Strange but true. The women of today expect him to play an equal role in parenting. This is where he gets those hiccoughs. A nasty mother! Sounds ridiculous right? You have seen how your mother treats your sister-in-law and this has led to your brother's divorce with his wife of three years. Enough to scare you into deciding not to bring another lady into your home? Can we do something to stop these guys from being so scared of marriage? Yes we can. Proper parenting is the first solution. The second is education to all young adults on the meaning of marriage and we might see our men being less scared of getting married!

Read more at: http://www.boldsky.com/relationship/marriage-and-beyond/2014/why-men-are-scared-of-getting-married.html

Why don't Parsis want to marry?

Of the all the sessions on the second day of the 10th World Zoroastrian Congress, the one on ‘Late marriages and divorce amongst Parsis’ was probably the most engaging one for speakers as well as for the audience. Married and soon-to-be married couples and Parsi boys and girls were all part of this talk. 
“These days’ girls refuse to give in and adjust. They say, ‘I am not going to listen to what my husband says. Similarly, nowadays, boys are mostly ‘mama’s boy’,” said Taubon Irani, advocate. 
A lack of adjustment, according to her, is one of the main reasons for divorces. “I had a case, where the couple wanted a divorce just a day after their marriage. What I have realised is that the tolerance levels among couples are decreasing,” said Irani.
Advocate Firoze Andhyarujina, another speaker listed out some of the prominent issues that fueled the problems of late marriages. Youngsters living in their forefather’s glory and not taking any initiative, not willing to compromise, break down of traditional family set up, intolerance and girls being more ambitious were some examples.
“Another issue is that parents have now started to interfer in their children’s lives a lot. Earlier, if they had a problem, parents used to blatantly tell them to deal their own issues,” said Andhyarujina.
“Parents unlike those of other communities are not after their daughters to get married. By the age of 25, parents in other communities are after them to settle down. Our parents are too liberal and when marriages are on a verge of break down, instead of resolving the issue, they are fine, if their child gets a divorce,” said Armaity Khushrushahi, advocate.
“Immigration is also a big problem. There are some, who do not even want to move to another city or country after marriage,” she added. Speakers emphasised the need of pre-marriage and pre-divorce counseling for couples.
Speakers also dispelled some myths of audience of early marriages that prohibited them from taking a plunge. “It is a saying that marrying at 20 is like leaving a party at 8pm. What do you have to say about that,” asked a man from the audience. “Life is not a party. But if you marry early, you can keep partying,” quipped one of the speakers.
Battling the main issues
Some of the prominent issues that fueled the problems of late marriages. Youngsters living in their forefather’s glory and not taking any initiative, not willing to compromise, break down of traditional family set up, intolerance and girls being more ambitious were some examples.
Another issue is that parents have started interfering in children’s lives more than before.
NEWS Link:- http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report-why-dont-parsis-want-to-marry-1942099

The working women

The women across the world manage home, family food and rearing of children. It is a full time, not-so-easy job. The lioness kill to feed her cubs and the lion gives protection.
It is the conspiracy of Nature that women may have a delegate form but she is imbued with capacity to work harder and with responsibility. She is tolerant, a better manager and has capacity to love and provide care to the growing children. Her procreative function makes her strong.
Women in the traditional family were responsible for cultural continuity and family traditions and festivals when folk tales specific to that festival were told and transpired to the younger women. They knew the whims and demands of the family members. Their creativity was manifested through their culinary skills, art forms like rangoli and embroidery etc, and folk songs and dance.
Even those who were educated, limited themselves as homemakers, perhaps by tradition. The grand parenting came naturally to the ageing, and they played a unifying role in case of any conflict. Rural women work harder - at home and also on the fields.
Education creates self-awareness of one's own capabilities. The girls at school, college and also at the level of higher education are doing far better than the boys. The increasing equal education has prompted aspirations and brought her out of the confines of home to work places.
Women by instinct and upbringing are conscious of insecurities, but despite the present day unsafe environment outside home and at work places, more and more women are working in civil, military and police services, banks, hospitality and corporate sector. They are conscientious and work efficiently and therefore climb the success ladder.
The increasing aspirations of women have led to social change with demands of gender equality and opportunity, and also affected their personal lives.
First, their career priorities have led to a delay in their marriages. Often they miss the marriage boat.
Second, with young men and women working together, there are instances of instinctive falling for each other, and often culminating into marriages, sometimes against the wishes of parents, especially with the increasingly diluting cultural inhibitions and individual freedom of choice.
At times, with declining initial passion, these marriages are short lived. There is a rise in divorce cases. This results in stress at personal and also at family levels. It has led to 'Second Shaadi.com'. Once bitten, pre-assessment for 'compatibility' has become important.
Several women decide to remain single by choice or due to other reasons. Some divorcees avoid another effort and get absorbed into the work; stress (of divorce) becomes the motivating force and economic security and family support lends courage. Few take to live-in route; it is considered a simpler way to get out. But the maternal instinct often prompts the desire to having children, when legitimacy weighs heavily; they eventually marry, because everyone cannot withstand the stress of family and social pressures.
Social change is a gradual process. In the west, un-wed mothers are not scorned. But in one American movie, a mother showing concern asked her daughter, 'Did you bed with him?'
But large number of marriages, among equal or even with unequal qualifications, different professions and earnings or even age, do work. In the marriage of two individuals, of different gender with different emotions, psychology, function, expectations and demands, conflicts are natural.
Accommodation, tolerance and adjustments are inherent to human nature, and when nurtured in mutual interest, not easy though, conflicts get easily resolved. Any adjustment with compromise can cause subconscious unease or even regret at times, and can cause spurts of conflict. But when there is consensual conscious willing adjustment, for common benefit of equal opportunity, balancing of 'different demands' becomes easier, especially when there is family support.
Child is the culmination of any marriage and satiated motherhood is most fulfilling.
Indeed working (married) women have to manage physical, mental, biological, family, emotional, psychological and social demands besides the stress of workplace. Nevertheless, they are known to be more conscious of family and children despite having servants than those non-working who get complacent and conditioned to the demands of children and husband, and manage work accordingly. Some working women are extremely good cooks, and despite their busy schedules, do find time, and enjoy cooking for the 'family'.
Those working women who can create the balance of their different demands, have been successful professionals. These days CEOs of several banks and corporate houses are women.
Behind their success lie the family support - husband, children and also the in-laws who ensure security especially of children when she is away for work. There comes the importance of family values. The family values are not 'rules' but a self-regulated congenial mutual conduct and relationship.
Human relations are complex, but mutual productive relationship for common benefit can make it less complex, promising confidence and collective family happiness; even the West has family values except the form may be different.
Education is not about CV or a means to get jobs, but the understanding that helps to give meaning to one's life, and a conduct to pursue the life's purpose and also the collective happiness.
It is not a question of gender equality or competing with men for educated aspiring professional married women, but the pride in one's own identity as women, the consciousness of responsibility and self-esteem, and to celebrate womenhood.
These days' parents have more confidence in their daughters. It is because of their qualities of providing love and care.
NEWS Link:- http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/sksrivastava/3315/65033/the-working-women.html

50 and single? You could find love again

BANGALORE: Life can begin afresh anytime, with the right companion by your side. That's what Natubhai Patel, 67, believes in and works for. The founder of Vina Mulya Amulya Seva, a senior citizens' marriage bureau, Patel advocates marriage for unmarried, divorced, widowed men and women aged 50 and above, seeking soul mates.
This Ahmedabad-based organization will organize 'Jeevan Saathi Sammelan for aged 50+' in Bangalore on February 2.
"All senior citizens need a spouse, a companion to share thoughts with, to talk to, and we provide the platform," says Patel, who miraculously escaped the Bhuj earthquake in 2001, where he saw many senior citizens losing their life partners.
"I saw how the lives of many survivors became pathetic as they lost their loved ones. That's when I realized the need to set up a marriage bureau for those who were single at 50 and older. The meet is an opportunity to socialize with like-minded people and find someone special. We understand this may be difficult with society's own pressures, but we'd like them to know that the right to be happy is in their hands. There is no age for love," Patel adds.
Since 2012, the bureau has brought together 52 couples, of which 12 are in a live-in relationship. "We have clear guidelines. He/she must produce a divorce certificate. Widows and widowers need to submit the spouse's death certificate along with bio-data and a recent photograph. Bridegrooms should also open a bank deposit in the name of the bride, for her safety," he says.
In November 2011, Patel conducted the first 'Live-in Relationship Sammelan' in Ahmedabad, where 300 men and 70 women from across the country took part. Seven couples hit it off here. "It's the personal choice of the man and woman. We just organize the meeting and leave it to them," he adds.
However, the Sammelan is not open to those who are bedridden. "If the bride or groom is completely bedridden, we can't advocate their profile. They have to be healthy, but for the regular old-age issues," he adds.
The eldest couple who entered wedlock through Patel is an 83-year-old man and his 61-year-old wife. The marriage bureau also has 10,000 applications from youngsters (20-40 years) looking for life partners.
Odd ratio
The bureau has got the profile of 5,500 men who wish to marry. But the number of women applicants is just 600, leaving an unbalanced ratio. "That's because women in need of a spouse at 50 or above have to deal with social stigma, so not many volunteer," observes Sheela Shankar, who is coordinating the Sammelan in Bangalore.
Reach the bureau
Sheela Shankar, Flat 5604, Eternity Block, Prestige Monte Carlo, Yelahanka, Bangalore-64
Phone: 9611574478
email id: sheela.tenginkai@gmail.com
'I wish I meet my partner'
Sudha Jain, 52, is well-groomed and fit, and looks like she is yet to hit 40. She lived in Delhi 19 years ago with her husband and two kids. "One day, my husband didn't return home from work. We waited, searched and filed a complaint, but he couldn't be traced. He was a pious gentleman, a lovely husband and an adorable father. There was no reason for him to move away from us. We don't know what happened to him. His absence became a mystery. I've waited till now. I got my children educated, and now they're settled. I am alone once again," says Sudha, whose daughter sent her profile to Patel recently. She has support from her daughter, son and daughter-in-law to begin a second innings with the right partner.
NEWS Link:- http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2014-01-15/bangalore/46223643_1_marriage-bureau-live-in-relationship-sammelan-vina-mulya-amulya-seva

Social networking ruining marriages?

LUDHIANA: Close on the heels of a controversy surrounding Union minister Shashi Tharoor, which turned tragic with the death of his wife Sunanda, has raised questions. Back home, A couple from Model Town is on the verge of getting separated after four years of marriage.
Reason: The wife noticed that her husband has many girl friends on various social networking sites and chats with them frequently.
In another case, a woman form BRS Nagar and a mother of two had intense fights with her husband after he discovered from her Facebook messages on her phone that she was having an affair with one of his friends. The application is now pending with the police.
This is not the isolated case wherein couples have marital discords due to one of the partner is involved with a third person through social networking sites. According to police, such disputes are on the rise in the city.
Shashi Khullar, the founder member of 'Crime against women and child abuse' cell and a marriage counselor, said, "Of about 5,500 marital dispute cases reported in 2012, as many as 100 incidents were where husband and wife had a discord due to social networking sites. However in 2013, with 4,500 cases reported, the number of such cases was around 150. In 50% of the cases, parties settle for divorce as one cannot restore the lost trust."
Even the police authorities confirm that such cases are on a rise.
"Though we don't registered case purely on this allegation, while talking to the couple it is often revealed that one of the partners has kept in touch with his former love through social networking sites. We refer such cases to councilors. The cyber crime and NRI cell also gets such cases," said Sukhwinder Kaur, SHO of women police station.
NEWS Link:- http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2014-01-18/ludhiana/46323969_1_social-networking-sites-husband-and-wife-facebook-messages

France considers doing away with judges in divorces by mutual consent

Will make courts more efficient
France is considering a plan to allow divorces by mutual consent to proceed without judges. What this means is that uncontested divorces could be approved by court clerks! This will undoubtedly simplify the paperwork when couples decide to part ways by mutual consent, which means the two parties are agreed on custody of children and division of assets.
Note that in France divorce by mutual consent is already a much simpler and faster process as compared to India. All that the judge does is order the divorce and stamp documents, which proves that assets have been split equally between concerned parties. A divorce procedure that's even more simplified will help couples agreed on parting on mutually settled terms, and also help the legal system shed a bureaucratic layer. Judges will have more time to focus on contested divorces that require deft handling of thorny issues like child custody and division of assets. Besides, family court clerks with years of experience are perfectly placed to replace judges in divorces by mutual consent, which require mere paperwork. Absence of judges' signature will after all not weaken agreements between divorcing parties: court paperwork will ensure neither party reneges on the terms of separation.
The Indian judicial system is notorious for making it doubly difficult for parties seeking divorce to part on mutually convenient terms. But it's currently taking baby steps to liberalise divorce laws, and this process could really gain momentum if India was to adopt the French plan for eliminating several cumbersome processes in cases where both parties are amenable to divorce. The Indian Law Commission, which over the years has made path-breaking suggestions on divorce laws and regulations, could make recommendations favouring doing away with the role of judges in presiding over divorces by mutual consent.
COUNTERVIEW
Focus on saving marriages instead
Rudroneel Ghosh
A French proposal to allow divorces by mutual consent to proceed without a judge is ill-conceived. To argue that the step should be emulated in India is preposterous. First, divorce by mutual consent in France is already a simple process. But to allow court clerks the authority to approve such divorces would lead to a further dilution of the institution of marriage. In a country where 50% of weddings end in divorce and the rising number of single mothers imposes additional costs on the state in terms of child support, the focus ought to be on saving marriages rather than helping along legal separations.
It's precisely because of this libertine attitude towards marriage that the West has seen an increasing disintegration of family values. This in turn has led to seve-ral sociological problems impacting today's youth. In fact, several studies have shown that children of divorced parents exhibit more symptoms of psychological maladjustment and social difficulties than children with intact two-parent families. Besides, there is a reason why the institution of marriage has survived thousands of years of human history - it's a fundamental unit of an ordered society. True, some marriages may not last. But that must not prevent us from trying to fix them.
Doing away with judges in mutual divorce cases would turn divorce proceedings into routine bureaucratic paperwork. This will also snuff out any scope for reconciliation, something that a judge has the authority to recommend. In India, where a large number of women still lack education and financial autonomy, such dilution of the divorce process will leave them particularly vulnerable. Instead of making divorce easier, the emphasis needs to be on counselling and rehabilitation. Hence, judges with their superior wisdom must adjudicate divorce cases, keeping in mind the importance and sanctity of the institution of marriage.
NEWS Link:- http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2014-01-09/edit-page/45992420_1_mutual-consent-court-clerks-divorce

How mothers can break marriages

LUDHIANA: Sanya married a well to do businessman one and a half years ago. But she felt lonely in her marital home as she did not talk much to her in-laws. However, she talked to her mother every night and updated her on every detail. Her mother encouraged her to adopt the tit for tat attitude.
Sanya's husband, Sumit, who remained busy in his business or the family, followed the advise of his mother, who kept a strict tab on when and where the couple went and what they talked about.
Interference of mothers on both sides led to fights between the couple and after one and half stormy years they were in court for divorce. None of the four were willing to adjust.
Sanya and Sumit are among the many couples in Ludhiana who suffered marital discord due to the interference of mothers on both sides. A whopping 50% of divorce cases in courts have come within two or three years of marriage. The main reason being the inability of couples to adjust in each other's families. Advocate Avtar Kaur Brar, who handles such cases in Ludhiana district court said, "We get many cases of mothers intruding upon the lives of married couples. Newly weds also don't understand the need to maintain a distance and follow their mothers, landing up for divorce eventually. In most cases, it has been found that mothers on the side of the bride are most interfering. Girls share everything with their mothers and instead of putting them on the path of marital happiness, mothers ask girls to adopt a confrontationist stance. Couples today lack understanding and file for divorce."
Although marital discord may also be prompted by factors like domestic violence, extra marital affairs and busy partners, interference of mothers is a constant on both sides. Members of Punjab Istri Sabha, an organization which counsels couples coming for divorce, say they encounter cases of parents interfering in the married life of their children every other day. Eventually, things come to such a pass that the couple's life is spoiled and she files for divorce.
"It is very sad that parents don't even tell their children to understand their partner and just go along with their decision to file for divorce. They are also keen to get them married again. What is the guarantee they will not interfere in the second marriage and take it to divorce? Marriage is not a small thing to dispose of anytime. A couple must understand the importance of maintaining distance," said president of Punjab Istri Sabha, Gurcharan Kochar.
After interference of mothers, marriages also hit rock bottom due to extramarital affairs, which are increasing in the city. If advocates are to be believed, many of these liaisons are the result of social networking sites like Facebook, Whatsapp and mobile phones. These distractions don't allow partners to spend the crucial initial time with each other after marriage. In about 25% of cases, couples don't understand each other because they don't spend much time with each other. Other reasons for breaking of marriages include domestic violence, too much arguing, lack of equality, infidelity, marrying too young and unrealistic expectations.
NEWS Link:- http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2014-01-04/ludhiana/45859866_1_divorce-cases-mothers-marital-discord

I am not anti-marriage, says Abhay Deol

Mumbai: Actor Abhay Deol says he is not against the institution of marriage.
"I am not anti-marriage. I see marriage as a cultural phenomenon and not as a natural phenomenon. I don`t think signing on a piece of paper will make me more committed than I already am. Whether I am married or not, if I am with you I am committed. That won`t change," Abhay told reporters.

"It is very easy to nullify a marriage by getting a divorce. The only sense marriage makes is to share property, your children inherit the name and all that...It is all legal reasons to get married and no reason for love," he said.

Abhay, who is in a relationship with former Miss Great Britain Preeti Desai for almost four years, feels love can blossom either way, whether one gets married or not.

"I might say let`s get married because I am not rigid, I live moment to moment. These are my views and it is person to person, one should not get influenced with what I am saying," he said.

"The only thing that is common in all of us is humanity," he said adding that he doesn`t believe in morals defined by society, but has principles which he has set for himself and follows them.

With Preeti too being a part of showbiz, Abhay feels there are pros and cons of being in the same profession.

"I think for two people of the same profession to date have their own set of difficulties and good part. The easy part is as actors you know how the schedule...Working hours are, there is a lot of travelling, so the understanding is there. But there is disadvantage also, the same reasons like travelling, long odd working hours work against it (relation) as well," he said.
Abhay and Preeti will be seen together in an upcoming film `One By Two`. According to him, in his relationship, there is trust and respect for each other.

"Everyone has to invest in a relation. Like any other couple we do fight and then patch up as well...That`s the beauty of a relation," he added.

NEWS Link:- http://zeenews.india.com/entertainment/celebrity/i-am-not-anti-marriage-says-abhay-deol_149436.html

Mumbai: Divorce decree false, family court annuls marriage

A family court recently annulled the marriage of a couple after the wife managed to prove that her husband had produced a forged decree declaring a divorce from his first wife in order to marry her.
The woman, who is an air hostess, had been married to her businessman husband since 2007. She had moved the family court for a separation from her husband after he stayed away from the house for a long time on the pretext of getting himself admitted in a rehabilitation centre in Pune in 2010 to kick his alcoholism habit.
The woman and her mother had made inquiries and found out that he was staying with his first wife and children in a house in Bandra. The woman and her mother then approached the family court and asked for permission to look through case papers relying on which the husband had shown them the divorce decree. During the trial, the woman examined the registrar of the family court, who stated that the petition number on the forged divorce decree produced by the husband was in fact registered under the names of a different couple.
The court concluded: “There was delay in bringing the petition but as the petitioner has no knowledge therefore, she had not brought the petition immediately after the marriage. It appears from the record that the petitioner has brought the petition immediately after noticing the falsity of alleged divorce deed and cheating on the part of the respondent.”
The court accepted the woman’s version  and declared the marriage null and void.
NEWS Link:- http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report-mumbai-divorce-decree-false-family-court-annuls-marriage-1946109

Kamasutra 3D director wanted sexual favours: Sherlyn Chopra

For all those who have been wondering what went wrong between actor Sherlyn Chopra and Kamasutra 3D director Rupesh Paul, here's the truth.
Sherlyn Chopra who had been hurling abuses on Rupesh Paul for being unprofessional and had declared that she is no longer a part of Kamasutra 3D has filed an FIR against him.
FIR
In the FIR Sherlyn accuses Rupesh of demanding sexual favours from her. We have a copy of the document which reads-
"Mr paul had expressed desire of wanting to have sex with me and when I said to him that it was impossible as I was not at all interested in him sexually, he threatened to forfeit my balance remuneration, and to replace me in the film and to use my nude footage as blue/porn film in global, commercial porn market, where according to him is huge demand for such footage with Indian faces.
Sherlyn Chopra
Mr Paul had threatened to teach me a lesson and to replace me with another girl who would not refuse to sleep with him. "
This FIR has come in response to the legal notice that Rupesh Paul had sent to Sherlyn Chopra for maligning his image on Twitter.
sherlyn chopra
Recently, Kamasutra 3D director demanded 5 crore compensation from Sherlyn Chopra for tarnishing his image.
We have an exclusive copy of the legal notice which asks the court to book Sherlyn under sections 415, 417, 418, 499, 500 and 503 of The Indian Penal Code.
Rupesh Paul
 The notice also interestingly quotes the abuses Sherlyn hurled against the director on Twitter. Sherlyn has been accused of showing "middle finger" to the director and using words like- bastard, asshole, dog, sister f*, black hippo, retarded and epic pimp.

NEWS Link:- http://wonderwoman.intoday.in/story/kamasutra-3d-director-wanted-sexual-favours-sherlyn-chopra/1/106501.html

17-year-old boy detained for ‘exploiting’ woman aged 21

THANJAVUR: A 17-year-old student was detained and lodged in a correction home atThanjavur in Tamil Nadu after he was found to have 'exploited' a 21-year-old woman with whom he had a relationship for over a year and fathered a child. The woman, who studies in a nearby college, met the teenager while living away from home with some relatives. 

In her complaint at a police station at Vallampudhur, a few kilometres from here, she said the boy lived on the same street as her relatives. Mani (name changed), an apprentice to a welder, had a relationship with Kavitha (name changed), who hails from Pudukottai, for over a year. Kavitha had moved to Thanjavur for college education. 

Mani had lured her with promises of marriage, but after an affair that lasted a year and left her pregnant, he began to avoid her. Kavitha after giving birth to the child had returned to Thanjavur from Pudukottai along with the baby and asked him to marry her. Mani is said to have avoided her, which in turn made her approach all women police station at Vallampudhur. 

Vallampudhur police, based on the complaint from Kavitha, picked up the boy from his workplace. Since he is a minor and not in a position to marry her, the police produced him before the Juvenile Justice Board at Thanjavur where both parties were heard. As per the orders of the magistrate Karthika, Mani was lodged in the correction home after an examination at theThanjavur Medical College Hospital

Advocate Jayanthi Ranee, a former member of the local child welfare committee, said the minor could be released on bail and remain free during the trial. "Cases of such nature mostly get dissolved since both parties seek out-of-court settlement out of concern for the welfare of the child. Since the detainee is a 17-year-old, he has to wait for one more year if he wants to take a decision on seeking custody of the child and another four years to marry her," she said. 

NEWS Link:- http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/17-year-old-boy-detained-for-exploiting-woman-aged-21/articleshow/29569990.cms?

Why did Prannoy sponsor Rs 1 crore holiday for small-time NDTV anchor?

MUMBAI: The investigations into accounted funds of NDTV running into Rs 5000 crore is pointing to a massive collusion between the directors of the reputed media company and senior I-T officials, allegedly with the blessings of Union Finance Minister P Chidambaram.
The involvement of Sumana Sen, an IRS officer of the 1999 batch, is now under scrutiny after it emerged that her husband Abhisar Sharma was an employee of NDTV when she was appointed the Assessing Officer of NDTV Ltd, its group companies and all directors, including Prannoy Roy himself. It emerges that Sen and her husband enjoyed an all-expenses paid pleasure trip to Europe sponsored by Prannoy’s company.
S Gurumurthy, who was the convenor of the task force conceived by the BJP to assess black money illegally deposited by Indian politicians and businessmen in foreign banks, has now written to Roy to clarify why his company never bothered to inform the government or the Income Tax department that the wife of its employee had been appointed to assess it under all Direct Tax Acts.
“More importantly, Sumana Sen, when she became the Assessing Officer of NDTV in August 2004, never informed the government about the fact that her spouse Abhisar Sharma was employed with NDTV which was mandatory under rules…which entails imposition of major penalty including dismissal from the service,” Gurumurthy has noted.
In his defence, Prannoy Roy claimed that Sen was NDTV’s assessing officer only for a period of one year during which no substantive assessments of NDTV were made by her except one order under sec 143(1), and that all other assessments of that year were made by other I-T officers.
SPONSORED EUROPEAN HOLIDAY: PERK OR BRIBE?
It is relevant to note that at the point, NDTV had claimed a tax refund of Rs 1.47 crore, but a notice for scrutiny assessment u/s 143(2) was pending.
In March 2005, around five months after she had become the assessing officer for NDTV, she was offered through her husband Abhisar Sharma an “all expenses paid pleasure trip of Europe with her entire family” by the company. The total cost of the week long trip to the UK came to a whopping Rs 1 crore, which was entirely borne by NDTV. It was a luxury no other employee in Sharma’s grade had ever been offered. In fact, no other employee of NDTV had ever been given such a perquisite in its history.
Sequence of events:
March 21,2005: Sumana Sen writes to the government seeking permission for availing the offer with her husband.
March 28, 2005: Sen illegally passes an assessment order u/s 143 (1) of the Income Tax Act accepting the return of NDTV and granting a refund of Rs 1.47 crore.
April 8, 2005: The government grants her permission to avail the holiday in Europe on the condition that she should not have at any point in time had any official dealings with NDTV.
April 10, 2005: Sen furnishes fraudulent undertaking claiming that she was “not the Assessing Officer of NDTV Ltd, has never dealt with the case of NDTV and has never had any official dealings with it”.
April 12, 2005: Sumana Sen and her husband Abhisar Sharma take a British Airways flight to London to begin a week long holiday in Europe, which cost about Rs 1,00,00,000 to NDTV Ltd.
Was husband’s job at NDTV ‘arranged’ by Sumana?
While Sumana Sen was brazen enough to lie about her relationship with NDTV despite just 13 days earlier having allowed an illegal refund as its assessing officer, Abhisar Sharma was hardly a passive bystander in all this. According to Gurumurthy, he had in fact “aided and abetted in all illegalities committed by Sumana Sen.”
According to documents and correspondence available with Mumbaiwalla, Sen’s husband was a “small time stringer” in BBC before he landed a job in NDTV as an anchor in October 2003. The big question now is whether it was merely a coincidence that just a few months later, the I-T department appointed his wife to assess the books of NDTV.
Preliminary verification of facts point to a well planned strategy by the husband wife duo. Sen was apparently “aided and abetted” by her superior (Prakash Chandra CIT, Delhi V) in getting her husband employed by NDTV.
With the tickets for the trip amounting to a couple of lakhs at most, it is unclear how the couple actually managed to spend Rs 1 crore in the short period between April 12 and April 20, 2005. Even after completing her luxury holiday, Sen failed to submit accounts of her expenses abroad, though it was mandatory under the rules.
It begs attention why NDTV would agree to pay Rs 1 crore for a holiday to Sen in exchange for a refund that amounted to Rs1.47 crore
In hindsight, the ‘Inspection Note’ filed by I-T Commissioner SK Srivastava in March 2007 over tax-evasion of about Rs 200 crore by NDTV and payment of bribe and illegal gratification to Sumana Sen was merely the tip of the iceberg.
Surprisingly, the observations on fraudulent assessments made on NDTV Ltd by Sen were not only set aside on March 29, 2007, the very next day Chidambaram – acting on the proposals of PK Mishra, DGIT (Vig) & CVO, CBDT – suspended Srivastava on allegations of sexual harassment, sexual assault, molestation and rape filed by two female I-T officers.
The officers in question were Sumana Sen and her batchmate, Ashima Neb.
NEWS Link:- http://mumbaiwalla.com/prannoy-sponsor-rs-1-crore-holiday-small-time-ndtv-anchor/

फेसबुक पर हुआ प्‍यार, अमेरिका की पार्टी गर्ल भारत में बना रही है गोबर के कंडे

अपनी ऐशो-आराम भरी जिंदगी छोड़कर अमेरिका की एक महिला भारत के एक गांव में अपने पति के साथ सीधी-सादी जिंदगी गुजार रही है.जी हां, यहां हम 41 वर्षीय एड्रियाना पेरल की बात कर रहे हैं, जो पिछले साल अगस्‍त में उस लड़के से मिलने कैलिफोर्निया से भारत आ पहुंची, जिससे उसकी मुलाकात फेसबुक के जरिए हुई थी. फेसबुक पर ही दोनों की दोस्‍ती परवान चढ़ी.
तस्‍वीरों में देखें कैसे हिसार के गांव में जिंदगी बसर कर रही हैं एड्रियाना

भारत आने के दो महीने बाद एड्रियाना ने अपने 25 वर्षीय प्रेमी मुकेश कुमार से ब्‍याह रचा लिया. एड्रियाना ने सिर्फ शादी ही नहीं की बल्कि वो मुकेश के परिवार में पूरी तरह रच बस गई हैं. हरियाणा के पानीपत के छोटे से गांव में एड्रियान बिलकुल उसी तरह से रह रही हैं जैसे बाकी के गांव वाले रहते हैं.

कैलिफोर्निया में अपने दोस्‍तों के साथ पार्टी करने वाली, बेटी लूसी के साथ खूब शॉपिंग करने वाली और जिम जाने वाली एड्रियाना अब अपने ससुराल में झाड़ू लगाती हैं, खाना बनाती है और खेतों में भी काम करती हैं.
जिंदगी में आए इस बड़े बदलाव से एड्रियाना बेहद खुश हैं. कैलिफोर्निया के एक एक्‍यूपंक्‍चर सेंटर में बतौर रिसेप्‍शनिस्‍ट काम कर चुकीं एड्रियाना कहती हैं, 'मुझे यहां मुकेश के साथ बहुत अच्‍छा लग रहा है. मैं इसके बदले दुनिया की कोई भी चीज कुर्बान कर सकती हूं'.
एड्रियाना कहती हैं कि अमेरिका में उनके कई सारे अफेयर रहे हैं, लेकिन उन्‍हें कभी सच्‍चा प्‍यार नहीं मिला. उन्‍होंने पिछले साल फरवरी में अपने से 16 साल छोटे मुकेश से फेसबुक के जरिए बातचीत करनी शुरू की. धीरे-धीरे दोनों एक-दूसरे के करीब आ गए और एक शाम मुकेश का फोन आया.
एड्रियाना कहती हैं, 'फोन पर ही मुकेश ने अपने प्‍यार का इजहार किया. मुझे मालूम नहीं था कि मैं कैसे प्रतिक्रिया दूं और पहले तो मैं बस हंस पड़ी. लेकिन जब हमने थोड़ी और बात की तो मुझे एहसास हुआ कि वह रिश्‍ते को लेकर गंभीर है. मैंने उससे कहा कि अगर वह मेरा दिल जीत लेगा तो मैं उससे शादी कर लूंगी. इसके बाद हमने तीन और हफ्तों तक बातचीत की और उसी दौरान मैंने तय कर लिया कि मुझे मुकेश के साथ रहना और मैं भारत जाने के लिए तैयार हूं'.

मुकेश से मिलने के लिए एड्रियाना को अपनी 25 साल की बेटी लूसी को अमेरिका में ही छोड़कर आना पड़ा. एड्रियाना के मुताबिक, 'जब मैंने लोगों को बताया कि मैं भारत जा रही हूं तो वे हैरान रह गए. मेरी बेटी रो रही थी. उसे चिंता सता रही थी कि कहीं मेरे साथ कुछ गलत ना हो जाए. उसका कहना था कि भारत महिलाओं के लिए सुरक्षित नहीं है और फिर मुझे उसे समझाना पड़ा'.
'कुछ लोग कहते थे कि मुकेश फर्जी है और वह वाकई में है ही नहीं. मैं बता नहीं सकती कि जब मैंने उसको पहली दिल्‍ली के इंदिरा गांधी एयरपोर्ट के बाहर देखा तो मुझे कैसा लगा'.
एड्रियाना के लिए भारत के छोटे से गांव में रहन आसान नहीं था. घर के अंदर ना तो टॉयलेट हैऔर ना ही दूसरी मूलभूत सुविधाएं. उन्‍होंने कहा, 'जब मैं पहली बार घर के अंदर दाखिल हुई तो हैरान रह गई. यहां लड़कियों पर ज्‍यादा पाबंदी है. महिलाओं को अपने तन को अच्‍छी तरह ढक कर रखना होता है. हम चूल्‍हे पर खाना बनाते हैं. हम बैल गाड़ी का इस्‍तेमाल करते हैं. अगर मेरे घरवालों को पता चल जाए कि मैं कैसे रह रही हूं तो वे समझेंगे कि मैं पागल हो गई हूं. शुरुआत में तो बहुत दिक्‍कत आई, लेकिन मुझे जल्‍द ही एहसास हो गया कि खुश रहने के लिए फैन्‍सी टॉयलेट या शावर की जरूरत नहीं'.

एड्रियाना कहती हैं कि उन्‍हें गांववालों ने दिल से स्‍वीकार किया है. उनके मुताबिक, 'पहले तो वे मुझे किसी सेलिब्रिटी से कम नहीं समझते थे, लेकिन अब अपने जैसा ही मानते हैं. अब मैं उन्‍हीं के जैसे तैयार होती हूं और थोड़ी-थोड़ी हिंदी भी बोल लेती हूं'.
मुकेश और एड्रियाना की शादी नवंबर 2013 में पूरे हिंदू रीति-रिवाजों के साथ हुई. मुकेश टूटी-फूटी अंग्रेजी बोल लेते हैं और उनका कहना है, 'एड्रियाना एक अच्‍छी पत्‍नी हैं'. वो हमेशा घर के कामों में लगी रहती हैं और जब मेरी मां बर्तन धोती है वो कहती हैं, 'नहीं मैं करूंगी. ये मेरा काम है'. मैं एड्रियाना के साथ घर बसाकर बेहद खुश हूं. यह सच्‍चा प्‍यार है'.
अब दोनों अपना परिवार बढ़ाना चाहते हैं. हालांकि एड्रियाना वापस अमेरिका जाने की बात से इनकार नहीं करती हैं. उनका कहना है, 'मैं मुकेश के साथ अपना परिवार बढ़ाना चाहती हूं और मेरी सास तो चाहती हैं कि हमारे दो बच्‍चे हों. मैं यहां थोड़ा अमेरिका खाना और सुख-सुविधाएं लाना चाहती हूं. लेकिन एक दिन हम अपने परिवार के साथ अमेरिका वापस जाना चाहेंगे. भारत के लोग बहुत स्‍नेही हैं और यह मेरा दूसरा घर है'.
अगर आपकी प्रेम कहानी भी इनसे मिलती-जुलती है तो नीचे दिए गए कॉमेंट बॉक्‍स में लिखकर हमें बताएं. चुनिंदा कहानियों को आज तक की वेबसाइट पर प्रकाशित किया जाएगा.



We don’t want to work after marriage

In a reverse trend of sorts, well-qualified and employed Malayali women want to turn homemakers after marriage, but their husbands don't want their wives to sit at home, irrespective of their economic status. TOI explores...

The debates on whether women should work after marriage would continue till eternity in Indian society. But in the meantime, a parallel revolution seems to be sprouting, mostly among well-qualified and employed men and women, where the wives want to turn homemakers after marriage, while the husbands want them to work.

The reasons cited by the husbands are many, but one thing is for sure, the average urban husband doesn't want his wife to sit at home anymore. We explore the trend.

Money matters
The major reason cited by those living in cities is the cost of living these days, which will be difficult to meet with just one person's income. Sarath, an IT engineer, says, "There are a few wives in our circles who were reluctant to go back to work after marriage. But there is no choice. We planned our lives based on our combined income; EMIs depend on that. If the wife stops working, all plans will turn topsy turvy," he says. But then, the question is not about survival but on living in a plush apartment, owning a luxury car etc, he stresses. 

The same was the case with software professional Aswathi S, who decided to sit at home for a while after her husband got transferred to Kerala. "I couldn't find a suitable IT job, but my husband wouldn't hear of me sitting at home. Finally, I found a bank job first and then a content management job," she says. 

The dignity factor
Sreejith S, a lawyer, was not pleased when his wife Smitha Menon quit her job after marrying him. "Smitha was well qualified, but there she was, spending all day gossiping with some neighbours, who were also jobless. I had to literally push her out of the house. However qualified you are, the way society treats you will be different if you don't have a job. Even your own children won't value you after a point," says Sreejith.

And though Smitha was initially reluctant to get out of the comfort zone, she doesn't regret her decision to start her own PR agency. "After quitting my job, I started forgetting which day of the week it was. My whole life revolved around my husband. At one point I even started feeling that he is not paying enough attention to me. I later realised that was because I didn't have anything else to think about while sitting at home all day."

Survival is key
The most important factor of all, according to most husbands, is that they want their wives to be able to survive if something happens to them. "I don't want the archetypal wife who cooks and cleans and waits for me with coffee when I get back from work. I would be happier if she is independent and can take care of herself and our child even if I'm not there," says Neeraj Sasi, a consultant.

In the earlier generations, most of the women would be left helpless in the absence of the husband. Today's menfolk don't want the same happening to their wives. "The exposure and connections you get from being in a job are something else altogether. You are better prepared to face a difficult situation if employed," says Neeraj.

Stop nagging
"There are many reasons why I want my wife to work. But to me, the most crucial is that she understands when I say I will be late. Only a working woman will realise the stress and demands of a corporate job," says Ganesh V, a copywriter. "If she sits at home all day, she will expect me to take her out even when I come home tired after a hectic day."

Let the women decide
Why can't men let the women decide whether to work or not? says Manjula P, a homemaker turned teacher. Interestingly, many of the husbands too echo this view. "I will always want my wife to work but will never force her. Ultimately it's her choice," says Neeraj.

NEWS Link:- http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/We-dont-want-to-work-after-marriage/articleshow/28940724.cms